they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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