The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
