She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
