Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
