There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
