So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
