The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
