You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
