I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
