What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
