and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
