it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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