so that wasnt chicken after all
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
