the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
