my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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