what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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