6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
