But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
