Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
