Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Randomize
