i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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