so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
