I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She bit a glass in half.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
