the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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