I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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