She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
