Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
