yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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