you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
