Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
