I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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