i already hear my dad disowning me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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