I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
