Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
