I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
