He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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