So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
worst night to have a conscience
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
