i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
