Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
