yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
