Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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