I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
