Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
