i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
