So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
