Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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