She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
