started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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