i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
