Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
