sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You need a sexual gate keeper
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
