She is in my trunk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
