He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
