$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
