you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
