you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
