I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
