I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
