my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
